It was an all female Bible Study class assembled to continue the lessons taught on the movie “War Room”. We all sat in a semi-circle against the wall so the teacher can direct the lesson easily. Before this nights episode, the lady’s were all doing a perfectly natural thing, all talking at once about who they knew, and where they lived, and “didn’t I see them doing such-and-such a few weeks ago?”. Most of them grew up here and had been attending the Church “forever”. Me, the newbie, the nobody from Somewhere Else, was sitting quietly on the sidelines, like usual, because I didn’t know who they were talking about and I felt no one was concerned for tall blonde lady in the corner. Shot, even I can’t get their own names right most of the time! Bored with the conversation, I excused myself to visit the necessary room. While there, I almost had a full-blown melt down. “I don’t belong here!,” I moaned, “I’m not coming back again. God will understand.” I returned with this resolve a little braver.
The class finished and we were all single filing out the door, I stopped and told “J”, the teacher, I don’t think this is working out. I’m enjoying the lesson and all but I just can’t fit in. J hugged me tight and whispered in my ear, “It’s OK. You’re doing just fine. You’re important to the class. What we need is to go out to supper somewhere and become great friends.” Golly, something struck a chord there. I think she’s right. I’ll give it a go one more time, anyway. J is such a sweetheart. She’s always thinking of others. I want to be like that! If my anxiety gremlins will just leave me alone (Depart from me Satan because I don’t belong to you!), we’ll get on with serving God. My problem is, when I feel rejected, real or imagined, I turn into that frightened, abused 10 year old, with balled up fists, hiding in the corner from a cruel, vile, hateful, violent father. I get the “You can’t reject me because I reject you FIRST! So there!” attitude. That’s not from Christ. That’s from the Enemy. This can be overcome, I know it. Please pray for me that I can overcome those old memories of abuse. Thank you dear brothers and sisters.
But back to the Bible Study, there was something really important that remains in my memory. When we’re in our prayer closet, pray out loud. Not shouting, of course, but speaking in a normal tone like your Best Friend is there in the room with you (He is, of course). I believe that in all the Holy Scriptures our LORD Jesus prays out loud. We should follow His example. It helps to keep our minds from wandering. I don’t know about others, but I have trouble with that. And I’m learning I definitely need to crack open God’s Holy Word more! Read that Bible. One can’t memorize verse if one doesn’t read it. *wink*
Hope your day is blessed.