About Last Night: In Retrospect

23841586-frightened-child-stock-photo-child It was an all female Bible Study class assembled to continue the lessons taught on the movie “War Room”. We all sat in a semi-circle against the wall so the teacher can direct the lesson easily. Before this nights episode, the lady’s were all doing a perfectly natural thing, all talking at once about who they knew, and where they lived, and “didn’t I see them doing such-and-such a few weeks ago?”. Most of them grew up here and had been attending the Church “forever”. Me, the newbie, the nobody from Somewhere Else, was sitting quietly on the sidelines, like usual, because I didn’t know who they were talking about and I felt no one was concerned for tall blonde lady in the corner. Shot, even I can’t get their own names right most of the time! Bored with the conversation, I excused myself to visit the necessary room. While there, I almost had a full-blown melt down. “I don’t belong here!,” I moaned, “I’m not coming back again. God will understand.” I returned with this resolve a little braver. 

The class finished and we were all single filing out the door, I stopped and told “J”, the teacher, I don’t think this is working out. I’m enjoying the lesson and all but I just can’t fit in. J hugged me tight and whispered in my ear, “It’s OK. You’re doing just fine. You’re important to the class. What we need is to go out to supper somewhere and become great friends.” Golly, something struck a chord there. I think she’s right. I’ll give it a go one more time, anyway. J is such a sweetheart. She’s always thinking of others. I want to be like that! If my anxiety gremlins will just leave me alone (Depart from me Satan because I don’t belong to you!), we’ll get on with serving God. My problem is, when I feel rejected, real or imagined, I turn into that frightened, abused 10 year old, with balled up fists, hiding in the corner from a cruel, vile, hateful, violent father. I get the “You can’t reject me because I reject you FIRST! So there!” attitude. That’s not from Christ. That’s from the Enemy. This can be overcome, I know it. Please pray for me that I can overcome those old memories of abuse. Thank you dear brothers and sisters.


But back to the Bible Study, there was something really important that remains in my memory. When we’re in our prayer closet, pray out loud. Not shouting, of course, but speaking in a normal tone like your Best Friend is there in the room with you (He is, of course). I believe that in all the Holy Scriptures our LORD Jesus prays out loud. We should follow His example. It helps to keep our minds from wandering. I don’t know about others, but I have trouble with that. And I’m learning I definitely need to crack open God’s Holy Word more! Read that Bible. One can’t memorize verse if one doesn’t read it. *wink*

Hope your day is blessed.


24 thoughts on “About Last Night: In Retrospect

  1. I understand….truly I do. I have a hard time going into a group situation and feeling part of it. The young man that preached last night said something that struck home with me. He said if you feel low, burdened, left out, and things are going wrong……..dont give up or quit, that is when God will step in and answer prayers and makes things better all around. So many times I have wanted to give up or give in, and have to really force myself to go on……..I hope God stays very close to you and you become comfortable and happy and feel a part of the ladies Bible study. It will be worth it. Sending love your way!

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    1. Oh my goodness, you said it so eloquently. That’s my feelings perfectly. Thank you. Yes, God is near. I will strive to listen to His voice and not my own when in these situations. I will (and do) pray for you too. May the LORD bless and keep you my friend. Luv ~:)

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    2. My thoughts exactly! It seems funny to me that others can be so oblivious to their surroundings…and I know I am guilty too! However, I have such a spot for making sure EVERYONE is included in a situation like that. I sooooo feel your pain Sparky! Hang in there and perhaps, just perhaps, God is wanting YOU to be bold??? Hmmmm. Time will tell but I am so happy you are going back to the study! Please update us!! Hugs!!!! 🙂

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      1. Quite right, it could be His intention. Or perhaps He wants to show me not to worry about it. Fortunately, I’m pretty bold already (think: Big Mouth … ha ha) and not shy at all. I think part of the problem is I don’t know how to do Girl Talk. I like motorcycles, guns, SCUBA diving, etc. and these are not always topics other women like, or want, to discuss.
        Thanks Lorra. All suggestions are highly valued.
        Hope your day is blessed! ~:)


        1. ME TOO!! I’ve had the same anger / resentment issues from the years of abuse I wasn’t aware I was carrying around! Now I feel like singing “Love lifted me. Love lifted me. When nothing else could help love lifted me. …” Jesus lifts us out of the mire if we’ll just listen to Him. Thank you for sharing. Wow. That’s great! Blessings. ~:)

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  2. “You have a cat problem. Want we should deal with it like?” Jack & Sam, The Jack Russell Terriorists
    Opps, sorry, the dogs took over for a minute. Thanks Z. Prayers are always welcome. I can feel the presence of the LORD today. Luv ~:)


      1. Thank you, thank you! Also, yet another fault I have found in myself (horrors!!) I didn’t realize, by not sharing the trials I’m going through I’m not giving others a chance to be blessed by praying / edifying. I really need a printed T-shirt to wear that says “Under Construction By God” to remind myself it’s OK to be imperfect. (long store there too) Blessings. ~:)


  3. Hi – been there as well, both the abuse and the carrying around anger, fear of rejection and that imprinting my stuff on people.

    What changed my life was the realization that God allowed the pain so I could see all the other people in the room in just as much pain as I had been in where others who have never walked that road could not AND share with them the amazing love He gave to me. There are probably way messy people in that Bible study or other parts of your life who are going to be blessed by your story, your fear and God walking with you through that valley.

    We can be the person like J for others and even better be like Jesus for others.
    Thanks for the post.

    1. I keep getting drawn to II Corinthians today. “I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me” [II Cor. 12:9]
      Very good point Thomas. We all have our sack of rocks to carry, don’t we. If I do view others in need of understanding and try to help them past their pain, it’ll take the focus of ME and onto Christ and their needs, which is where my attention should be. I’m just grateful that God is showing me my imperfections so that I may learn to put them aside and work for Him.
      Thank you for your comment. So sorry to hear about your anger too. It can be a terrible burden to carry around. I pray your day is blessed. ~:)

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